a handful of

moments.

Jesse on my chest

I'm smelling his newborn head.

Could there be more to life than this?

I thought I’d listen to my playlist, thought maybe I’d paint, or knead some bread.

No–This time, there was no dawdling and pineapple smoothies. You were sure you were coming; we were ready and my body didn’t need that steak I’d thought of or even wait for a full dinner. So funny. I was so sure about the dinner but i

didn’t wait to be warm

you were coming, almost here

It was time, and we were 

both (you and i) 

ready.

Fuzzy little head –coned– your purple little body crying for the first time, I’m in the tub, your father behind me and I’m crying too, and we’re wrapped up in triumph and sacred, 

this and we are sacred 

and angels must have been kneeling with us in that tub, by your father and i as we said 

"oh he’s beautiful."

now I am trying to find my happy place again and this time, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, the beach i go to is one with your dad, your brother at my side, and you– 

My dream has updated in the moments since we met you, this complete is new.

together

This is who we are now

You are a part of me and us, part of my complete

We are playing on the beach now as 4

Maybe we always have been.