Nelson said be real.
And i feel guilty.
if i were real you would know that my name is not everett mills. that's just who i think i am sometimes.
if you really knew me you would know that i'm one thing and my family is another and sometimes i feel lost around them, and a lot of times i feel lonely with those people who are always around me and who i think love me best. (and that makes me feel guilty too)
if you could see my face as i wrote this
i wonder if i would change what i'm writing. i think that would mean i'm a coward, and i don't know if i really am one but i almost want to try it so i know for sure.
if i were real,
you would know that my hands are getting sweaty and shaky because i almost just wrote my real name.
but WHAT THE HECK who cares if you know right? SO WHAT, i shouldn't be afraid, then
why don't i just write it?
i almost have.
i think i will one of these days.
ha, one of these days, so noncommittal.
one of these days,
when maybe i stop being such a coward.
just like one of these days,
when there aren't any more problems.
when ebola isn't scaring people and ISIS isn't on people's minds
when we're confident about our president and about America
when the term's over
when we have time to finish that stack of Things I Want To Do that's sitting in your closet/your mind,
...
so is this really being a coward? yeah, i think it is.
we're all cowards, i guess.
But maybe that's because there are things like ebola and presidents and terrorists and school,
maybe we've been trained to be cowards or we just want to be because its easier than being brave.
"COURAGE": aka a whole pile of lies.
REAL COURAGE i won't write down because i'd rather see it in person than label it and make it into something that maybe its not really. real courage we've all got.
And i wonder if we're being Real cowards by staying anonymous.
And maybe we're really being Real by being cowardly and letting someone else's name claim the fame or whatever it is the real you won't stand up and take.
i'm sorry i'm not brave enough yet either.
Everett Mills
There is so many great lines and purely honest stuff in here. It was so good, and although it was hard to pick I'd have to say my favorite line is "real courage I won't write it down because I'd rather see it in person than label it."
ReplyDeleteWell that was real. #realtalk. I really liked this. You were so honest and that's all you can ever ask someone to be. Congratulations.
ReplyDelete"And maybe we're really being Real by being cowardly and letting someone else's name claim the fame or whatever it is the real you won't stand up and take."
ReplyDeleteI think I'm too comfortable with cowardly.