his uncle makes saddles

 I'm trying to find the words I want to write

to help you feel happy about my husband, about knowing there are people like him, about the fact that you have or will have people like him in your life, too.

it probably shouldn't matter to you. but it could. 

if it mattered to you (that there are people like my husband) it would be because

He really loves his parents 

who have made some big big mistakes that have hurt him 

a lot.

he doesn't hold it against them. he loves them and helps me love them.

it would matter to you because

we live in a place and some people aren't proud of it anymore

but he is,

he wants to do anything and everything he can to protect this country

and the people living in it.

even if he doesn't know you.

does that matter to you?

that someone wants to leave his family for a little while, repeatedly, to help protect you (who he doesn't know)? Put his life on the line, for you and for your freedom?

it could matter to you 

that he is humble and humble

and relentlessly good

he apologizes and tries to learn as he messes up.

he's gone through a lot to fix those mess-ups, because 

what God wants is more important to him

than anything else.

And he thinks God wants him to be humble and kind and to love his family.

does that matter to you?

does it matter to you that you could trust him to do what is right no matter the consequence? 

how about that he would seek to know if he was wrong, so that he could make it right?

that he would put you, and his family relationships, as his top priority?

does it matter to you that when he laughs his whole face becomes smiles wrinkles and creases,

that he loves his sisters and tells them they're beautiful and watches their backs,

that his brother is his best friend and 

that he accepts people, and loves them, and that this actually helps them become better, no matter how they've messed up?

probably not. 

it matters

 to me

that he is one extraordinary person 

out of many,

he is one person with so many hurts and flaws and rough edges and maybe those

make his goodness more sincere.

It matters to me

that there are many people who are like him

and I hope they are in your homes

and I hope you notice them and

I hope they notice you

and I hope you give them time and love and a listening ear,

I hope you know you're one of them.

...

As much as my husband matters to me

you matter to someone else,

probably to many someones.

keep going,

be humble

be kind

be good,

it matters

.

now

 there will always be limiting factors.

once, i had perfect sunny days but surgery on my leg kept me the couch.

once, you had perfect health but that thunder storm outside.

we've both had the storms inside and felt them hurt and felt them hurt and felt them heal.

now is no different. look up, and smile, 

we'll get through it :)

thoughts before homework

 Honestly?

I'm sitting in my apartment alone and my feet are getting colder. My husband's on campus doing homework and I have two assignments that will be due soon and that I haven't started,  so this is normal, of course I'm on my blog. 

we're thinking about buying a house. 

we're thinking about getting a dog. 

I'm worried about my mom. 

My husband's worried about his. 

We're trying to avoid politics because we get really really stressed about that lately. 

If we buy a house that would be really cool.  We're waiting to get pre-approved and that's taking... longer than expected. 

I didn't want a dog and then 3 days ago we went to my in-laws and they have ... go figure, the cutest husky puppies. And they said we could have one for free? :)

My mom isn't very happy and her life seems to have been crumbling over the past few years. My dad is getting remarried and is happy, but my mom has been struggling for what seems like ever.

My husband has family with a lot bigger hurts than my family does. Size of hurt is relative, it all hurts. 

And politics has been consuming. My husband is going into the military and that means working for the government and that they control his life, kind of. So politics and the future worries me sometimes.

I've done some crying. 

But just a couple days ago life felt like heaven... 

we were at my husband's cousins' and they live on some little farms in Idaho and have SO many animals, and they're cowboys and work on feedlots, and are such good people... his uncle makes saddles, beautiful ones from scratch, they have a whole pack of dogs and so many pigs and piglets, sheep, burros, goats, bunnies, quail, chickens and roosters, ducks, a calf, lots of horses, chameleons and a gecko, lots of guns and ammo and puppies, and it was so nice to be there. So really really nice.  

Yesterday during church someone talked about positivity and finding the good as the world seems to be getting more and more crazy, and I was reminded of being on my mission and fighting for positivity and happiness, and slowly winning the fight with a lot of heavenly help. 

It is now time to choose happiness, to choose hope, to choose positivity because sure things are crazy, but they've been crazy before. They've been crazy before for us, and they've been crazy elsewhere, historically; we would be the exception if we didn't go through some chaos in life. Now is the time to be intentional and have hope and work hard, be close to God and still be grateful and happy. I know that God will help us. Life can be so beautiful and people are still so incredible at the times when things seem to be falling apart. I don't want to be blind and feeling down in such a beautiful world with good people, and especially with a perfect Savior. The good is real and powerful. The world is getting crazier, so maybe it's even more important to have "eyes to see" -- eyes that see good, that see God, beauty, opportunity, and happiness.