Cold tires.
I'm #1, you're #2.
Cloud cover washed away our tracks and flooded the sandbox.
covered our grape vines in ash and left the fence empty, thinking about hornets. our animal feet left
sanded frozen
footprints,
covered our grape vines in ash and left the fence empty, thinking about hornets. our animal feet left
sanded frozen
footprints,
cloud cover time-lapses
meshed mud & snow
left us with only animal tracks and pink faces
and memories that hurt,
left us with empty spaces we would label
heartbreaksuicidecancerhatecarcrashshootingsdivorceonandonand
but we never know until after the fact and labeling only hurts more,
it won't erase this crevice, the one that you call a memory and i call the present
meshed mud & snow
left us with only animal tracks and pink faces
and memories that hurt,
left us with empty spaces we would label
heartbreaksuicidecancerhatecarcrashshootingsdivorceonandonand
but we never know until after the fact and labeling only hurts more,
it won't erase this crevice, the one that you call a memory and i call the present
Stop
stuck film rolling through my hands my body is seeing things stop them please.
Slides of 8th grade health class abusive relationship lesson been in my head ever since because it was too familiar to pretend otherwise
our halls are echoing with cries for help
Help
The quiet kind
The I don't need you kind of help
The I don't want you I don't want to need you kind of help
the I've been lost since seventh grade kind of Help
the give me hope give me distraction
the I've lost myself
the i used to think i had courage kind of help
I want to say your heart is red
because thats what everyone else says.
but since when has everyone else been right.
you've got hair and a nose and eyes that see the
world
green
black
but
but
I don't see them
anymore.
There was wind in your hair in the calm
Because you
Put the air into motion and
Because you
Put the air into motion and
cold in the warmth and fire in the air
that burnt your fingertips and your heart, that was pulsing and pounding red blood
You were contradiction
you're a lie,
you're hurt,
so am i,
but when people ask ARE YOU OK
post-it-note messages and seminary lessons aren't enough to
tell make your heart believe
YES I AM
so we got left.
cold in my brain numb
fire thats turned blonde hair to ash and melts my will and
fire thats turned blonde hair to ash and melts my will and
I'm wrapped in a blanket painted horses, sewn manes and woolen hooves
they're trampling my thoughts and.
closing doors.
this was grandma's blanket
it smells like sundays and friends
feels heavier than memories that won't come back
we're cemented in
fearing in
flames. in things gone memories gone like
lighter fluid will take this away
listening to the echoes of your fire and the lightening that killed
it. words words on strings words rolling film rolling my eyes my tongue that is silent,
film rolling in my head silent pictures open motion untouched rolling still rolling films faces places I've never been places I've been places I don't remember faces I've never seen You.
Maybe your heart is blue.
I'll take it however.
all i can do is play the piano and i thought that was enough for Johnny.
it wasn't.
